/my 1st big-girl job.

“The ultimate measure of a [wo]man is not where [s]he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where [s]he stands at times of challenge

and controversy.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

Everything starts with a dream.

A dream of being valedictorian. A dream of earning a degree. A dream of becoming a graphic designer. A dream of landing an internship with an agency. A dream of my first big-girl job. So many of my dreams came true.

And there were highs—so many highs. The thrill of signing my first offer letter. The excitement of working with some of my favorite brands. The rush of feedback, both positive and constructive. The satisfaction of growth.

Being surrounded by people who were not only talented but just as obsessed with design as I am was a dream come true. I couldn’t believe it. I loved when people asked what I did for work. I loved being proud of the answer.

But there were also tears. So many tears. Tears of uncertainty, of not knowing where I fit. It was hard to navigate my place in a company where my manager was unsure, and the CCO was unsure. Layoff after layoff made it feel like the people I worked closest with were always disappearing. My growing pains started to feel incompatible with the company’s growing pains.

Then came the promotion. A fleeting high. The hustle and bustle of the day-to-day never stopped. Until one morning, everything did stop. A meeting was thrown on my calendar, my boss wants to catch up. 

Then came the call.

The call with your boss and HR. A call you can’t prepare for. Locked out of your computer before you even understand what’s happening, before you can tell your coworkers you won’t be finishing that project you’d been so proud of.

It’s not personal. We loved working with you. The budget just isn’t there. Being laid off isn’t the same as being fired. I know. it all the hurts the same. 

To my coworkers, thank you. To my boss, thank you. To the company, thank you. I will always be grateful for the opportunities I was given.

I wasn’t perfect—no one is—but I’m proud of the ways I’ve grown these past two years. And for that, I will not apologize. 

No apologies period.